STAMP IMAGES
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POSTAGE
FOR SALE

a joke

JOKE

JUST TO GIVE YOU A SMALL TASTE OF MY SENSE OF HUMOUR
Don't you just love those television and paper adverts that make the wonderful claims about a product being the greatest thing since sliced bread or a sale being the best ever. Well, here are my versions. Some of you may not think that they are actually that over the top.
The first one is my version of a certain Furniture Company sale. I can't name them, as they: May Feel Irritated!!

MASSIVE MASSIVE SALE SALE SALE
Yes!!! That's right. This is THE sale, The MASSIVE SALE. In fact, it is so massive, we can't believe we have fitted it onto this page.
We must be MAD to reduce the prices this much.
Hurry, Hurry, Hurry,
Up to 90%** off our previous Prices* and if you hurry even quicker, you can get an extra 9%** off. Yes, that's right, 99%** OFF.
But you have got to hurry, Sale ends at 11.59.58 pm tonight!!
Why? Because at 11.59.59 the old price is back until 12 Midnight, when another even better Sale starts. Conditions of the sale: *Previous Prices were displayed by us for a period of one second at our store at the South Pole, Antarctica and were not necessarily viewable by the public, as it was dark. If the Penguin that was there wishes to place an order, then he must have a valid credit card and have an income of more than £50,000 a year.
** To take advantage of these Massive Sale prices, Customers under 95 must have both Great Great Grandparents to sign and act a Guarantors against returning items that are not as described and prove to be rubbish.
Refunds and returns are only allowed after a 45 year cooling off period.

COLLECTING GB STAMPS CAN PROLONG YOUR LIFE
Yes, that's right. New research carried out by the Totally Independent research body of The Louise Sargent Research Committee* has shown that collecting GB stamps and in particular buying stamps listed and shown on this site might just possibly help in the prevention of the following ailments or could even extent your life expectancy by up to 5 minutes:

Foot and Mouth
Bird Flu
In Growing Toe Nails
Bad Breathe
Sexually Transmitted Diseases
Interstellar Meteor Hit
And far more than we can list here

Think of something bad and collecting GB stamps just might save you.
Amazing I know and could possibly be true as confirmed by 8 out of 10 Cat owners who said their cat believed it!

* The Louise Sargent Research Committee is a totally independent research unit and research is conducted between the hours of 4.30pm and 5.00pm when she has to stop for her Tea and Bath. Trust me, she's a right little independent Madame!

THE FANTASTIC COLLECT GB STAMPS DIET
The stamps shown on this site contain no added fat or saturates and are totally Calorie free, so could help as part of your calorie controlled diet.
For this to work, you must follow the following instructions.
Stamps may only be eaten with water (maximum consumption = 20 stamps and ½ litre of water per day).
No other Foods or Drink allowed.
Follow the above and we Guarantee, Yes, Guarantee that you will lose weight.
All Stamps are made from the Finest Wood available, Mulched and turned into Paper.
No Rabbits were injured during the making of this Paper, unless they accidentally fell into the pulping machine.
Stamps are sold by weight and we guarantee that the packet will only contain 50% water. Yes, an amazing 50% are pure stamps!
This is a huge reduction on our normal policy.

MARK SARGENT CREDIT AND STORE CARD
Have I got an offer for you. Boy have I!
The Mark Sargent Credit and Store card is just what you have been waiting for.
Just 99.9% APR
Amazing low Interest rate I know and you are asking how can I possibly do it for this fantastic low rate.
Simple. I borrow the money from my Bank at about 9% (other credit card companies get it even cheaper) and then give it to you.
After Admin costs etc I'm probably only making 97% a year profit. Not much at all on 1 billion pounds, but then I'm not greedy.
Plus, if you pay regularly and as instructed, I'll keep upping your credit limit until you owe me so much money, you'll be working most of your life for me.
Can't say fairer than that now, can I.
DISCLAIMER
Obviously, none of the above is meant to be taken seriously, just in case some one out there orders and is waiting for the sale to start!